Shhhh…..

I know that a lot of you reading might have trouble talking about your fertility treatments to your family and friends for a number of reasons, but for us it was essential for us to be open about it.  Being open about it made it a thousand times easier for the two of us to talk about it.

However….

Keeping secrets is hard, especially when we’ve been so public about our infertility and IVF.  It’s exceptionally hard to keep a secret from friends who have been more than emotionally supportive in our journey in the ways of helping us pay for it.  It’s not that we’re ungrateful for their support, it’s that we want to keep some remaining elements of surprise (or disappointment) to ourselves for the moment.  The whole process is so scientific and calculated and by the end of the treatment, pretty much everyone at the clinic has “gotten to know you REALLY well” (if you know what I mean) 😉  Even with our decision to be open and public about our infertility, there has to be some sense of privacy for us.  This treatment means that we get to have a chance at having a child of our own and that is very important to us.  Having support from family and friends is equally as important, however having a secret and then being able to choose when to tell people is something that is just as special for us.

We feel bad when we are vague about it or even out right lie about how far along in the process we are.  We love the support, but we also love a little bit of privacy.  That’s what this blog is.  It’s a place of privacy (I know, totally ironic righi because it’s on the internet).   No one except Nick and I (and my few readers) know about it.  When we are ready we will tell people about this blog, but until then, it’s a secret.

{sigh}

All Eggs in One Basket

Yup, and that basket is me! The transfer went well on Monday, except for the full bladder part (that was uncomfortable!).  They transferred two embryos (a grade 2AB and a 2BB).  However I just missed the clinic’s call this morning and got to hear via voice message that the embryos that they were hoping to freeze did not make it 😦

So now I’m really hoping that next week’s beta test is positive because otherwise It’ll be back to square one…..

Day 4 Post ER – The last day before the beginning…?

Today is the day before transfer and we can only hope that this will be the beginning to something amazing.  Our appointment time is 10:30am tomorrow (need to be there at 10).

The clinic called while we were both busy, but they left a message saying that the embryo levels are mixed, which is to be expected, but they are continuing to grow.

There’s not much else to say except we want to be kept busy-ish today to keep our minds off tomorrow.  We’ve been pretty calm so far, but I’m sure that tomorrow and the start of the Two-Week Wait (TWW) will make us a little anxious.

Day 3 Post ER – Onward to Day 5 Transfer

Just a short post today with the results from the clinic:

We are looking at a day 5 transfer (Monday).  The embryos are growing but a little slow but the tech said that was fine because they are still growing.  She said that some are 2 cells still, some 4 and one 5 cell.  The quality levels are mostly 2’s with some 3’s and some borderline (not sure which way). I will ask for more detail tomorrow.  I found this information on embryo grading (because I was interested after she mentioned their levels).  I also found this article too – it’s less biased because it’s not from a fertility clinic’s site.  The clinic will call tomorrow with an appointment time for Monday.

My bloating is going down a bit and it’s more comfortable to wear pants (thank god!).  The discomfort when walking quickly or going from sitting to standing is going away slowly.  I am however getting a few stomach aches – probably because of the doxycycline (antibiotic) but I’ll be finished that in a couple of days.  I’ve found that you really have to take it with a full meal and lots of water.  Keeping hydrated is key because otherwise I feel nauseous.  I have been eating pineapple too which is nice because I love it.  There are mixed feelings about if it’s true or not (to help with implantation and uterine lining) but I’m only eating up to 5 pieces a day and there really are no scientific studies that confirm nor deny the internet rumours.

Anyways, we had a great night out last night with family and friends celebrating our 10th wedding anniversary.  I relaxed, laughed and enjoyed my one glass of very tasty wine 🙂

Day 2 Post ER – All is going well!

Just a short update to let you know the results from the clinic.  All 9 embryos are growing well, and all but 1 are in the average/above average quality range.  The tech is pretty positive that we will be doing a Day 5 Transfer.

I’m feeling pretty good in terms of cramping.  The discomfort is a lot less today than it was yesterday – which is good! 🙂

Anyways today is a busy day – tonight we celebrate our 10th anniversary with family and friends!

Day 1 Post ER – Happy Anniversary to us

Today is the day before our 10th wedding anniversary.  We’ve come along way in ten years but we never knew that we would be celebrating our 10th like this.  Today we found out that out of the 16 eggs collected, 11 of them were mature and 9 fertilized normally 🙂  We have never been this close to pregnancy before – ever.  Not once in the seven years we have been trying to conceive have we ever had a late period, or a miscarriage, or even a false positive pregnancy test.  And now we have nine embryos 🙂

I was telling Nick that even with all of the shots and bloating and discomfort, I would go through this experience again just to hear those lab results.  Yup, in a heartbeat.  It’s a very happy day for us today 🙂  I have no more words for today – just smiles 🙂

Egg Retrieval Day

So yes, sixteen eggs! Wow! I hope that one of those will develop into a healthy baby in the end and that a good number of them are healthy enough for freezing.

12 hours ago (9am) we arrived at the clinic and I swear that it felt like a movie – “Gattaca” to be precise. It was a very quick procedure and we left shortly before noon.

We arrived and then shortly after checking it they whisked us off to the other side. The nurse told me to change into a gown and then give a urine sample. For the love of god, why can’t hospital gowns be logical?! I tried the gown on 3 or 4 different times both ways (ties in the front and then ties in the back) But either way was either uncomfortable choking-like or easy to lose my dignity. I settled for ties in the front but the nurse quickly told me it was on backwards but as long as I was comfortable it was fine. I ended up changing it to ties in the back because there was a robe and slippers too.

So then the IV gets started and I got a little emotional. Mostly because IVs hurt but also because it was just weird going in to “get pregnant”. I know that the overwhelming feeling of wanting a child is the most natural thing in the world and that the method that it happens is second to that, but still…at that moment it was just weird.

The nurse went over after procedure care and said not to lift heavy things or vacuum etc. Quick wittedly I reply with, “Oh don’t worry, I don’t do any of that anyways!” You’ve got to always keep the humor in a stressful situation 🙂

Then we got transferred to a little waiting room. It seemed very spa-like and relaxing. A few doctors and an embryologist came in to confirm details and medications and then that was it – off I went to the OR!

Imagine huge room with a bed in the middle with dim lights and one big giant vag-jay-jay light. The stirrups were for my legs calves and knees to rest in (no more dignity anymore if you know what I mean). Two side arm rests for the arm with the IV and then for a blood pressure cuff to go on the other one. Oxygen tubes go in my nose (stinky plastic!) and heart rate stickers on my chest. The nurses were really awesome – all of them. The doctors too (of course) but the nurses were super attentive. I was surprised that I wasn’t fully knocked out because they said I would feel the poke of needle but that would be it. It was about it. Just a few needles, yeah it was uncomfortable but I was pretty out of it with the drugs and don’t remember much pain at all. I was more troubled with the anxiety of the procedure as I walked into the OR than the actual procedure.

I don’t remember much of being in recovery. Just waking up here and there – but I was in a deep dozing state for about an hour tops. They gave me water and cookies, took the IV out, I got changed and then we left. I wasn’t in a lot of pain at all. I was just mostlydozyand slept in the car on the way home and then crashed on the couch the minute we got home. Nick made me a sandwich and then I slept for a good 3-4 hours. I woke up feeling refreshed and a lot less bloated – empty I guess because they rescued the eggs that were taking up a lot of real estate in my abdomen 😉

I’m feeling a bit of cramping now, but it’s pretty minor. I got T3s from the doctor in case I needed them. I’m looking forward to a more comfortable sleep tonight, but first I should cut up the pineapple that’s on my counter.
Thanks so much for the words of encouragement from everyone 🙂 They helped me feel a bit more relaxed knowing that I have people rooting for me! We haven’t really made it public that we are going through the procedure. Our friends and family know that we are doing IVF but they don’t know that we have started.